Individuals with a history of emotional deprivation want to tolerate their feelings of deprivation by entering high expectations in marriage relations. Because of their intense deprivation, they act with the belief that the people in front of them have to meet their emotional needs. For this reason, they expect great attention and care from their spouses. No matter how much they see, they feel that their needs are not fully met. They are easily angry if they do not attract attention at the level they expect. In such cases, they tend to personalize the behavior of their spouses. They can easily show susceptibility and are reactive. Their emotional strength is weak. Sometimes they expect their spouses to understand these unexplored wishes and needs even though they do not express their wishes and needs. In this way, they express the anger of the sense of deprivation from the past.
Observe your deprivation feelings in your marriage relationship. Develop awareness of what you need emotionally. Instead of blaming your spouse, express to him which emotions you have suffered. Basis your relationship on "empathy", not on "complaint". Choose to be clearer about what you want. Do you want to be understood or create emotional tension? Uncertainties disturb your partner as well as as much as you do. Therefore, raise your awareness of your own feelings. What do I feel the lack of now? Can I feel so angry, can I have emotional needs that have not been met in the past? Could such high expectations be tiring for my wife? Do my wife and my family believe that I am emotionally demanding? Can I have the lacking child inside me? Is the healing of the deprived child in me only about my wife's approach to me?
The answers to these questions are very important for your repair process. On the other hand, it is necessary to be able to recognize recurrent patterns. In your childhood, you were not understood enough, you could not provide your emotional satisfaction in the family, and therefore you experienced serious emotional gap in your adult life. You got married, the space inside you was so deep that you increased your emotional demands to fill it. You were not satisfied with your partner's interest and compassion. You always wanted your partner to be more interested and attentive. This time, you have encountered your wife's bored attitude and you were disappointed. In this way, you prepared the ground for the repetitive pattern process of deprivation. If you want to avoid this repetitive pattern, first try to get away from the over -demanding attitude. Do not position your partner as “wound band” in your mind. Keep in mind that he has an emotional strength and can be tired of being in a position that meets constantly. Do not insist on meeting your emotional needs. If you know a little space, you will realize that your spouse offers you the interest and compassion you need.